Partners of Addicts

Helping you find your way

Knowing that you partner has a problem is often not clear or direct. You may feel that something is wrong, that his or her behaviors have changed but you aren't sure what exactly is going on.   The process has been gradual, the changes have been slowly building and it's beginning to wear on you. You might feel that his emotional states is like riding a rollercoaster, maybe one moment he or she is loving and next your partner is blaming you for one of their problems. Perhaps you have found him or her being secretive and not telling where they are  or who they are with.  Maybe you have even found yourself covering for their drinking, calling into their work or canceling plans when he or she was too hung over. Have there been conversations about the drinking or using, have there been blackouts, binges, increased use and consequences emotionally for you?

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You are not crazy, these behaviors are happening and you need to trust yourself and intuition. Addiction is difficult to pin-point until you know what you look for and learn how to trust your instincts. Being in a relationship with an addict or alcoholic is heart-wrenching, emotionally draining and exhausting physically. The first steps are learning to spot what addiction looks like,  as many people are considered high functioning addicts and alcoholics. This means they can hold down a job, may have a family and appear fairly normal from the outside, however the people close to them know that something is wrong. The problem with addiction is that is only gets worse without treatment and the consequences don't just effect that person struggling with the addiction but there are dire effects on family, partners and friends.

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Addiction Behaviors

If you are seeing any of these behaviors, your partner or loved one may be struggling with an addiction:

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· Problems dealing with stress (emotional instability, anger, blaming others, leaving work early, not getting work finished)

· Irritability, argumentative, short-tempered, unpredictable moods

· Strange mood swings that are out of proportion and erratic.

· Showing signs of depression

· Defensiveness (especially when questioning secretive behaviors)

· Seeking out emotional affairs with others (emotional affairs are legit and are the same as physical affairs, do not discount them)

· No longer interested in activities that used to be important

· No longer hanging out with old friends, often hanging out with new friends who are also struggling with addiction

· Defensiveness

· Changing the subject or avoiding discussions

· Minimization (denying or playing down the seriousness of the addiction, being unwilling to acknowledge full scope of the behavior or consequences).

· Denial (often telling the accuser they did not see what they say, getting angry that someone caught them and calling them a liar).

· Rationalizing (having excuses, explanations, justifications, alibis or reasons to explain behaviors).

· Blaming (Blaming others for behaviors or feelings and blaming partners for unhappiness).

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You are not alone, Northern Sun Therapy can offer you support and help you make decisions. When your loved one is struggling with addiction it can make you feel alone, scared and unsure of what to do. You may be struggling with trusting yourself and even feel as though you might be in the wrong. I understand the pain, the fear and the confusion and we can help you navigate this difficult situation and get the support you need to feel healthy again.

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My background includes clinical training at the Meadows Behavorial Health, one of the top addiction treatment facilities in the United States. I am trained to treat addiction and also to work with the partners of addicts and alcoholics.

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