Couples Counseling

"Couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy

in their relationship before seeking help." -- John Gottman

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Many couples come to therapy with concerns:

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“I can’t do anything right, they are so controlling. They are mad all the time and I don’t understand why.”

“I am exhausted by this, neither of us are happy. Maybe I would be happier somewhere else.”

“I feel like I am alone and I don’t think I matter to them. I wonder if they even care about me anymore. Sometimes I feel like they are available to everyone but me.” “ 

“They never want to have sex anymore and I’m sick of it! I believe that sex is a very important part of a relationship and if they aren’t going to give it to me, tell me why I shouldn’t go and find it somewhere else?!”

“We aren’t having sex anymore, heck we are barely talking these days. I miss the intimacy we used to have. What happened to us.”

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If these concerns sound like you, it might be time for therapy. 

Do you feel alone and not connected with your partner? Is there tension between you that is related to an event such as infidelity or something on-going in the relationship such as financial issues, problems with physical intimacy, parenting struggles or an unresolvable conflict? Are you having arguments or discussions that are happening so frequently that one or both of you shut down, walk away, get angry and can’t get any further with the topic? Do minor disputes escalate rapidly and leave you feeling distressed, abandoned, helpless and possibly hopeless? Are you missing feeling safe, loved and connected in the relationship or wondering if you ever had the connection and love you needed?

There are lots of variations on the concerns, including complaints about a partner, communication issues and even issues with intimacy. It’s common for couples to have struggles and issues that feel unresolvable and let’s face it there isn’t a class that you can take on how to make a relationship work. Challenges in a relationship can make both partners feel isolated, alone and it's easy to start thinking negative thoughts about yourself. You may feel like a failure or unlovable. The issues may cause you worry and anxiety surrounding the relationship while you are trying to work or go about your daily life. You may have fear about your next argument or what you partner last said to you. You might even find yourself avoiding going home, avoiding interactions. If you have children, you may have noticed that the tension between you two is now affecting your children, they may be behaving differently which is adding to the stress.

There is hope. If a couple is serious about working out the relationship, couples’ therapy can make vast improvements in the relationship. 

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I approach couples with compassion and support for both partners, as a relationship is between two people who are both having valid experiences. We will look at the main concerns of each person and consider the commitment and trust in the foundation of the relationship. As a trained Gottman Therapist, I will work of the sound house principle and build the relationship from the ground up, working on new skills. We will learn new types of communication, conflict resolution, supportive approaches to one another and reconnecting intimacy with in the relationship. We will also examine past trauma and childhood family situations that may be holding back one or both partners.

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I am a Gottman trained therapist. I am also trained in Emotional Focused Therapy with Sue Johnson and Internal Family Systems Therapy. I trained at the Meadows Behavioral Health which is an in-patient facility that treats trauma and addiction and I work from a  trauma-informed perspective to help individuals and couples work through past triggers, events and trauma.